Marital Compatibility

The Truth About Marital Compatibility is a great article written by Phil Smidt, who is the counseling pastor as well as the Marriage and Family pastor at one of the Mars Hill campuses. It takes a look at biblical compatibility and offers 5 questions for both singles seeking a spouse and married couples. 


5 Questions for Married Couples Who Want to Become More Biblically Compatible: 

1. What do you focus on more frequently, what's wrong with your marriage or what's right with it?

If you're a Christian, there’s a lot right about you because Jesus has saved you from God’s wrath and now owns you. You have every resource in Christ available to you (2 Peter 1:3). As a redeemed child of God, forgiveness and grace can flow freely from your heart allowing you to minister to your spouse’s weaknesses. But do you live that way?

2. When is the last time you did something intentional for your spouse?

Kindness and thoughtfulness strengthen marriage. Yet many couples feel entitled to speak harshly, be contemptuous, or withhold forgiveness. “For better or for worse” is not permission to sin. It takes faith and humility to respond graciously when you are angry, hurting, or misunderstood.

3. Do you believe God knew what he was doing when he had you marry your spouse?

When marriage is difficult it can be tempting to think you made a mistake, forgetting marriage sharpens us, often in painful ways. Step back and remind each other what you appreciate and admire about one another. Chances are, those qualities are still there, but you have allowed sin and selfishness to creep in and cloud your view.

4. Do you need to repent of discontentedness and complaining in your marriage?

It takes a supernatural intervention by the Holy Spirit to make us thankful. Our tendency is to compare and complain. Thanksgiving is a lifestyle command in Scripture (Col. 3:15-17), not just a suggestion or holiday in November. What are you thankful about? What would it take for you to enjoy your spouse?

5. Do you and your spouse pray together? Do you pray for each other?

It's difficult to grow hard-hearted and embittered toward someone you are praying for frequently. God will do his best work in your marriage when you are in prayer. Prayer acknowledges our need for God and worships him.